Why Big Decisions Feel So Hard
Major life decisions are difficult not because the information is hard to find, but because they involve uncertainty, competing values, and emotional weight. Fear of making the wrong choice can lead to paralysis — which is itself a choice, usually in favour of the status quo.
The goal of good decision-making isn't to eliminate uncertainty. It's to make thoughtful choices you can stand behind, regardless of outcome.
Step 1: Define What You're Actually Deciding
Many people agonise over the wrong question. Before anything else, get specific. "Should I leave my job?" is vague. "Should I leave my job to pursue freelance work in the next 6 months, given my current savings and circumstances?" is a real question you can evaluate.
Step 2: Separate the Decision From the Outcome
A good decision can lead to a bad outcome. A bad decision can get lucky. Judging decisions by their outcomes alone — a cognitive bias called resulting — leads to poor future decision-making. Instead, evaluate the quality of your reasoning process, not just what happened.
Step 3: Use a Decision Framework
Several structured approaches help cut through the noise:
The 10/10/10 Method
Ask yourself: How will I feel about this decision in 10 minutes? In 10 months? In 10 years? This helps separate short-term discomfort from long-term regret.
The Regret Minimisation Framework
Imagine yourself at 80, looking back. Which choice would you regret more — making the move, or not making it? This shifts you from fear-based thinking to values-based thinking.
The Pre-Mortem
Assume the decision fails spectacularly. What went wrong? This isn't pessimism — it's risk identification. Knowing in advance what could go wrong lets you plan mitigations or decide whether the risk is acceptable.
Step 4: Consult the Right People
Seek perspectives from people who will tell you what they actually think, not what you want to hear. Be wary of advice from people who have never made the type of decision you're considering. And be honest about whether you're asking for input or looking for validation.
Step 5: Set a Decision Deadline
Without a deadline, decisions drift indefinitely. Choose a date by which you will decide. Gather your information, run your frameworks, consult your advisors — and then commit. Perfect information is never available. At some point, you decide with what you have.
After the Decision: Commitment Over Optimisation
Once a decision is made, the work shifts from deciding to executing. Continuing to second-guess after the fact is rarely useful and often harmful. Give your decision a genuine chance before reassessing. Most big decisions aren't irreversible — but they require real commitment to have a fair shot at working.
| Framework | Best Used For | Key Question |
|---|---|---|
| 10/10/10 | Emotionally charged decisions | How will I feel later? |
| Regret Minimisation | Career and life direction | What would I regret at 80? |
| Pre-Mortem | High-stakes or risky choices | What could go wrong? |